Today, it was the Gkidz Amazing Race @EXPO!! Mhm... I think cos of that, i became very tired and drained out ba.... So decided to go home earlier... felt so tired and restless... then called a pig... and chatted for a while ba... mhm... then ... my mom came home!!!!!

At First, we were watching tv and all... Then suddenly, my dad talked bout the a letter that my brother receive yesterday... It is a lawyer letter cos my brother refuses to go and pay the debts that he owes his previous company... To me, i feel that he should learn to answer for his owns action.. and stop hiding behind my parents and all... and my mom was saying and nagging...

At that point in time, i was suddenly very upset and hurt.. just felt that like...why you care so much more for my brother than me.. i am your son too!!! I remember having a chat with my mom yesterday during breakfast... We were talking bout the days in Henderson, my old house... my memories?? I remember that my mom used to cane me as I am trapped by the gates that locks me in the house. I remember things like my mom scratching me with her nails... and alot more... But, from her memories, its things like, my brother... how she used to bring him to mac, how she brings him to tuition, how she will bring him to go shopping and buy him toys.... but how bout me?

So at that point in time, i was really sad,angry,frustrated, i don know wad else.... so i decide to go running... while i run, i just felt God telling me that He is going to run beside me... Even as i run a new path, all the up slopes and down slops... he is running with me.. and even when there seems no cars on the roads and i am all alone, i felt Him assuring me that He is running by my side... CAST ALL YOUR FEARS AND WORRIES ON ME.... thru the run... i seem to forget all the things that i started the run with.. all the emotions... the anger, frustrations, sadness....

I think some how God is trying to make me see things more clearly?.. using all the small little things to upset me so that i will go run.. and so that He can tell me something??...

Honestly, now, i guess i am feeling better, but if you ask me if there is still the butterfly flying in my heart, yes!! ITS STILL THERE!! i am still quite confused and i really feel tired of worrying so much for the family...

But GOD!! hear my cry!! COME HAVE YOUR WAY!!! God, i pray that this be the path to begin your great work!! God i pray that you help me to cast it all on your cross!! and God, please continue to speak to me... But God, next time don let me be so emo again lei.. cos... it doesnt feel good.. although it feels grreat to hear from you and feel you just now!! God help me to be free from all the negative emotions and let me be well again! God watch over my family!! and be in my family!! in Jesus name i pray, AMEN!!